March 2011

“Your mum was a good woman, but you think I’d be in a bed sit sharing a communal toilet with 13 people if I’d been on my own. Course not. What happened? I fell in love. That’s what happened. Don’t make that mistake son. Don’t fall in love.

“If you don’t want to fall in love with them, just focus hard and find something about them you don’t really like. It might be their teeth, their underwear, their smell. Maybe some part of their body emits a terrible smell.

Something. Something that appals you. But find it. You need to find it, son. When she’s in the loo, go there, stand outside, and listen to her. If that’s what it takes for you to leave her, do it. Soon as she steps out, go in there. Pretend you’re desperate. Maybe she’ll have let the loo in such a state that you find your reason in there. Look hard into that bowl, prepare yourself to see something you might never forget, but it might be what stops you from setting up home with her. Better to find out now than when it’s too late.

Or it might be that she’s got a diseased foot or fat arms, you know. Maybe you don’t like walking down the road with them in the summer when they’re wearing sleeveless tops ‘cos of the arms. If it’s that, and I’m not saying it is, then that’s your reason. Leave her. Do you hear me? But you can always find a reason.

She could be the most beautiful woman in the world, but there’ll always be something appalling about her. You’ve just got to dig deep and find it. “

My Dad, November 2001