If you’re single approaching Christmas, why would you even contemplate getting involved with someone during the festive period? It can put one in a rather awkward situation. If you squeezed in a few dates before Christmas, it’s likely you’d feel that you had no option but to buy the girl a present. That could cause you to feel resentment. How many lattes have gone on this gift for someone you barely know?
And if you do reluctantly buy them something to cover your back on the off chance they’ve got you something, and they don’t buy you a present back, you’re going to feel a little insecure. Why haven’t they bought you a present? Do they simply feel they don’t know you well enough and that buying you a present is too big a statement? If so, would your premature present make them feel uncomfortable? Or might it be they haven’t got you something because they simply don’t see any longevity in the relationship?
And if they have got you something, what’s the inscription like on the gift tag? You can often tell how healthy a relationship is by the gift tag. Not so much the message inside, but the manner of the writing. Now, I’m no graphologist, but the first set of gift tags I had from Latin America, well the only ones, looked like they’d cost her a whole load of emotional energy to compose. There was no warmth. That was an inkling that I was on borrowed time.
It’s also worth asking how much you should spend on someone you don’t really know. And if you’re thinking of not buying them a present, and they buy you one, how embarrassed are you going to feel? Do you buy them a present and only give it to them if they turn up with one? If that’s your approach, you’d need to take a bag with you, and only pull the goodie out if and after she gives you your gift. Don’t respond by pulling out your gift for her straight away as that won’t look good either. She might be left thinking, “So was he going to give me that present if I hadn’t handed him his?”
What you should do in such an event is hand her your present right at the end of the night and say something along the lines of, “I was trying to find the right moment to give you this. When you SURPRISED (“surprised” is critical) me earlier with your gift for me, which you know, I just love, I felt it wouldn’t look right if I gave you this straight away, you know. You were going to think, ‘Oh, I see, he was only going to give me this if he got something from me’”. Go with the bumbling Hugh Grant awkward shtick. Girls tend to like that initially. It’s only in later years that will grate with them. The desert boot scenario again.
But unless you’re meeting them right after work, what reason would you have to be carrying a big bag large enough to carry a present in? She’s going to wonder why you have a big bag with you on a date. It’s not a good look. You could buy her a small present, but small presents for women that you can easily carry in your pocket, are likely to be too big a statement, let alone pricey. Too personal. Earrings. Do you know her well enough to know what kind of earrings she likes? A ring is way too big a present this early on. A necklace? Again, too big.
Ideally, if you’re about to embark on a new liaison, you should wait till after Christmas. Probably until after the New Year in fact as New Year’s Eve could also be awkward. If you haven’t had that first kiss before the clock strikes midnight, you’re going to feel all sorts of pressure to go for the first kiss at that moment. If you’re celebrating with a group of friends, you’re going to be hugging and kissing other people, circuit style, 4-5 seconds each hug/kiss, before moving onto that next person in the group. Do you slow that kissing circuit down by going for a clinch with the girl at that particular moment? And how sure are you about her? You always remember the start of the year. You don’t want to be remembering someone who you might be done with by February and you don’t want that kiss being witnessed by a big group of people in your social circle who in years to come might be at your wedding seeing you kiss another woman. And at your wedding, it might be that some of them start speaking among themselves and concur that the woman you kissed that New Year’s Eve many years earlier was in much better shape than what you married. Ideally, you don’t want your friends seeing you kiss too many different women. It just confuses them.
I think you’re better off waiting until after the New Year. January’s a bleak time. That’s a good time to start a new relationship. The distraction would be good and is likely to see you spend less time in your freezing cold flat. Winter dating is advantageous if you’re struggling and not really ready for the dating circuit.
You’re out, often in dark streets, darker than usual now as councils dim street lighting to save money. The girl’s not going to get that good a look at the state of your clothes. You hope you can do enough to impress her to hang on until the spring, when you hope to have enough money to replenish your wardrobe. In the meantime, soon as you stop off at that KFC for a bite to eat, you just quickly remove your coat so she can’t see the state of your sleeves.
During winter, it is possible to win the girl you wouldn’t stand a chance with in the summer, when the sun’s unforgiving glare highlights an uncomfortable light on your financial shortcomings and just what a mess you are. Twelve winter dates would probably equate to three summer dates with the same girl. To make it beyond three dates in the summer if your wardrobe and money situation are coming up short, you’d have to dazzle them with words and a great head of hair, and a relatively high and consistent level of lovemaking. Otherwise she’s walking. In this recession, sustaining a consistently high level of lovemaking is beyond many stressed out men.
Ideally, your new love interest wouldn’t have a birthday until the late spring at least, giving you enough time to put some money together for a decent birthday present. Noting that gives her reason to believe that you’re extravagant, but enough to hint that future presents could be better.